Today is the day.
The grand finale.
The final showdown.
I did not want this day to come. And not this fast.
I just thought we would be over without this day; I didn't want the sadness and the tearful remembrance of all the good times of the relationship. Funny thing about remembering all the good times of the relationship mostly after it's over and not during the relationship. But hey, that's how every memory works right? Like you only remember the good times of high school once it's over and not when you are really living it.
But dammit today really is the day. I don't want to leave him. But I know I have to. I might find out later in life that he is the best there is to my soulmate and that I lost him. I might even regret letting him go. But not right now. Not when HE is the only guy I have been close to. Not when HE is the only boy I have ever dated. Not when HE is the only one I have fallen in love with. Its been almost 6 years we have had this relationship and not once have I been satisfied with the prospect of our future. I knew we wouldn't work out since before we even were in a relationship. But then the sweetness and the charm just got to me and I don't really regret saying yes to his repeated persuasive proposals but that decision has still haunted me till now. But I can't let it haunt me till the rest of my life just because both of us (mostly me) cannot handle the torture and the sadness of a breakup and the separation from each other. Maybe if we can't handle the separation, maybe we shouldn't be separate right? But NO. I could never live with myself if I jumped into the first bus without even knowing where I want to go.
Hell, I don't even know myself! I still trying to find out who I am and what I want. How can I already choose my life partner when I can't even choose which phone cover to buy!
I just need more time to explore myself and maybe eventually when I do know what kind of personality I want to reflect and what career path to choose, I can the type of guy (or girl? who knows!) I would want to be with. In the meantime, I need to end this relationship right now when the stakes are the least; no more classes to attend to avoid each other or common friends constantly asking about the other.
This is the best timing to end things.
But I was still hoping that we would drift apart not having to deal with all these cries and the "talk" but I guess we really need to go this route. Hopefully, someday I will be happy again.
But for the next 6 months at least, I hope I can cope with the loneliness and the extreme sadness that I know that will run through me.
The grand finale.
The final showdown.
I did not want this day to come. And not this fast.
I just thought we would be over without this day; I didn't want the sadness and the tearful remembrance of all the good times of the relationship. Funny thing about remembering all the good times of the relationship mostly after it's over and not during the relationship. But hey, that's how every memory works right? Like you only remember the good times of high school once it's over and not when you are really living it.
But dammit today really is the day. I don't want to leave him. But I know I have to. I might find out later in life that he is the best there is to my soulmate and that I lost him. I might even regret letting him go. But not right now. Not when HE is the only guy I have been close to. Not when HE is the only boy I have ever dated. Not when HE is the only one I have fallen in love with. Its been almost 6 years we have had this relationship and not once have I been satisfied with the prospect of our future. I knew we wouldn't work out since before we even were in a relationship. But then the sweetness and the charm just got to me and I don't really regret saying yes to his repeated persuasive proposals but that decision has still haunted me till now. But I can't let it haunt me till the rest of my life just because both of us (mostly me) cannot handle the torture and the sadness of a breakup and the separation from each other. Maybe if we can't handle the separation, maybe we shouldn't be separate right? But NO. I could never live with myself if I jumped into the first bus without even knowing where I want to go.
Hell, I don't even know myself! I still trying to find out who I am and what I want. How can I already choose my life partner when I can't even choose which phone cover to buy!
I just need more time to explore myself and maybe eventually when I do know what kind of personality I want to reflect and what career path to choose, I can the type of guy (or girl? who knows!) I would want to be with. In the meantime, I need to end this relationship right now when the stakes are the least; no more classes to attend to avoid each other or common friends constantly asking about the other.
This is the best timing to end things.
But I was still hoping that we would drift apart not having to deal with all these cries and the "talk" but I guess we really need to go this route. Hopefully, someday I will be happy again.
But for the next 6 months at least, I hope I can cope with the loneliness and the extreme sadness that I know that will run through me.
