ASPECTS

Fear. Lack of enough confidence. Not enough willpower. Responsibilities.

The reason why I am still here. In this world. The reason why I am not out there, running for answers. Answers to questions. Questions of existence. Questions about life. Questions on enlightenment. Questions to everything.

But the main reason I am not pursuing the answers? I am scared that the questions are void. That I’ll be letting myself and everyone around me down.

But believe me, not a single day goes by that the thoughts of existence in general doesn’t pass through my mind.

I know one thing for sure: there are just too many aspects to life. Aspects conquered. Aspects puzzling. Aspects unexplored. Aspects unheard of. Aspects unthinkable. And for that reason, I don’t believe in enlightenment. I don’t believe that the ‘enlightened’ people have really known about all the life aspects. They may have conquered morality and philosophy but what about the sciences. Aren’t the questions of science just as important?

You can’t have all the knowledge about everything. Maybe it won’t matter once you are enlightened. But for me, everything does. There will always be that one aspect to life that I will not have heard of. Or that one aspect that I’ll never understand. Or that one aspect that the future will eventually reveal.

‘Live in the moment’, people tend to advise. But which one moment do you really live on? Is it the moment of understanding the lecture or the moment where you are day-dreaming inside the lecture hall? Because technically, you really are living in that exact moment of day-dreaming. The thoughts in your brain are just as alive as it would be if you were paying attention to the lecture.

Life is just too complicated to be lived. But is death any easier?

Will I ever find the answers? I wonder.